It's strange, I knew grad school would be full-on.... but somehow, it's still a surprise. It's like I wake up each day and go "wow, I have a crap-load of stuff to do today...and it all involves sitting and reading." or sitting and typing. or sitting and staring at a computer screen. or sitting and listening to lecture. or sitting and eating. or sitting and typing this post.
I've decided that I need a standing desk. Like architects have. Only not slanted.
That knot in my shoulder's back! Crap. I hate that tension spot. I don't even know I'm stressing and then BAM! my shoulder aches.
I've worked on a lot of personal development over the years. Time management, thoughtfulness, patience, self control... (obviously, these are still in the developmental stages, it's a work in progress people!) ... but handling stress... that's one I haven't even come close to managing, much less "fixing." And for the sake of my shoulder and sanity, it's one I need to master pronto. I find breathing exercises are actually quite helpful. I just have to work on remembering to do them....
Thank GOD I have Chase this go-round with grad school. I really mean it, Thank GOD. I'm not taking His name in vain, I'm thanking Him. I didn't have someone to rub my stress spot. Now I do. I didn't have someone to warm up brownies and bring them to me with a glass of milk. Now I do. I didn't have someone to wrap me up in his arms and remind me that everything's going to be okay. Now I do. And I'll tell you, it makes all the difference in the world. Except with stress, apparently. It's immune to the wonders of Chase's wonderfulness. It's immune to everything, apparently. It creeps around in the background, unnoticed. And then pounces and wrestles me to the ground until I scream, uncle! And gifts me with a knot in my shoulder, a vague headache, and a foul mood. damn you, stress. I'm getting stressed out thinking about how awful stress is!! This must stop.
Going back to the start of this post, I mourn the loss of activity in my life. And I fret about how my inactivity will translate to a fatty me. Let's crunch the numbers here: sitting and ___(insert anything related to grad school)___ + stress = stress eating and getting fat.
I know I'm not painting a pretty picture here, it's not all really so bad. I'm just putting my psychosis to print. I secretly wish that if I "talk" (or type) about it, then it will decrease in importance and I won't worry so much. I don't know if it actually works out that way... but I think typing up your diary entries and then posting them for the world to read is kind of cathartic. And stupid. I say stupid because UCF just sent out an email warning students to not post personal things on facebook or allow unknown people to be their friend. The email talked about how we leave digital footprints that can be altered and misused later down the road. That's some accurate information.... and funny to try and tell new college kids to think about their future. I'm pretty sure they can only think about acting a fool at this point.
Anyway, I'm done. I need to focus back on my schedule and what needs to get done today. This was a pleasant diversion. I wonder how many more months will pass before I blog again? Or will it be tomorrow?
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