i. am. such. a. bad. person!

But I have a lovely bunch of flowers.

How did I get said gorgeous bouquet you might ask? And why am I such a bad person? Well, it all started two days ago when I got an email from a teacher at my old high school, Rickards.

Let me set the scene by saying that when I got home in December, the director of the International Baccalaurate program at Rickards wanted me to drop by school and talk to the students about life after IB. Since I'd gone to college, traveled around the US with AmeriCorps and then lived in New Zealand for a year on a Rotary Scholarship. Always happy to oblige, I went and spoke to three classes of seniors. Asking if there was anything else I could help out with, I ended up working for the students at their Pangea show back in February or so (gosh, it seems like ages ago). It was all fun and good work and I enjoyed working with the students and encouraging them to aim high when they graduated from school.

So fast forward to two days ago and I get an electronic missive from the teacher whose class I spoke in. Turns out she's also the sponsor for the National Honor Society. And the seniors I spoke to are officers in the club. They were organizing their induction, and wanted to have me as their guest speaker. How cool! Not having any conflict in my schedule (as if), I heartily agreed.

The funny thing is, I wasn't scared or nervous until I got there. It is one thing to speak to a class of seniors, and another to speak to an audience of their parents. Ack. I didn't officially prepare anything. I do not do well when I have written material. I'm much better when I can speak with a natural flow and have a little guidance from a power point or something of that nature. I was almost tempted to prepare a power point. But then I thought, that might be over-kill. Looking back, it propably wouldn't have been a bad idea. Anyway, I was given ten minutes, but I'm sure I only spoke for perhaps five, if that. I kept it short and to the point. Service is good. Service is rewarding. And I hope that being inducted into the National Honor Society is the first step of a lifetime of serving others.

Let me tell you something, there is nothing worse than a speaker who drones on and on.

Anywho - the induction ceremony was very nice with the inductees lighting candles and it looking like a New Years Eve church service... Then at the end, I got flowers! How cool is that? And not just any flowers, but flowers that are so me. They're not generic, and thank GOD there weren't any carnations (death to all carnations in bouquets). It was such a treat to get flowers.

So that's the story on the bouquet of nature's bling. Now for the story on how I embarrassed myself.

Sigh. Back in highschool, I had this teacher that I didn't get along with. (big surprise) It wasn't just a personal conflict, but I wasn't learning, and that stuff was important because I was getting tested on it and if I failed, I wouldn't get the IB diploma and I wouldn't graduate from high school. It was kinda a big deal. So I switched classes. Through a series of very unfortunate events, I ended up back in his classroom (the other teachers were dropping like flies). But before that happened, I confessed to another teacher that I didn't get along with said teacher and I preferred not to be in his class, if I could help it. Well this teacher goes behind my back and tells this other teacher! Then that teacher goes and tells my dad! (who worked at my high school) Then my dad gets upset and makes me go to this teacher I don't care much for and apologize! I was stunned! What was I apologizing for? For not liking somebody? That's just the way the cookie crumbles! I wasn't gossiping or deriding anybody, I was simply explaining my resasons for not wanting to be put in this teacher's classroom again. That's all. But my dad was insitent and that apology was perhaps the MOST awkward moment of my life.

Flash forward to a few hours ago and WHAM! Second most awkward moment of my life. This teacher has a daughter too. Who was being inducted. So he was there. His brown hair had turned to grey. And I was antsy to avoid him! I did not need anymore awkward. So at the little reception after the induction, I'm standing there talking to my best friend's little sister (who also got inducted that night) and the story comes up about the high school fiasco. Thinking this teacher had already left, I decide it's okay to tell them the story about it. Well, I don't just tell a story, I get all animated and I practically shout the story. At the conclusion of it, I look over and THERE HE IS!! Realizing he probably hung around to talk to me, I got sooooo embarrassed because there's a high chance he heard me reliving the awful ghost of high school days past. And he probably just wanted to say hello, inquire about my dad (his ex-co-worker, after all) and say something complimentary about how much I've grown up since 2002 or something along those lines. But instead I act like a complete jerk.

After all these travels and all the people I've met and all the lessons I've learned, you'd think I could learn to be pleasant to an old teacher. But nooooooo. I am once again an annoying 16 year old, freaked out about confrontation. Honestly, Leigh Ann! Honestly!

And there-in lies the story of how I came to possess such a glorious arrangement of flowers and how I regressed about 8 years.

Tick Tock

We finally got a wireless connection so I can sit in my Taj Mahal wing of the house and putter away on the computer to my heart's content. Although, I find myself rarely on the computer. I rewind to when I was living in New Zealand and remember spending nearly all my time on the computer - in a feeble attempt to be connected to life back home. Reading the news, talking to the fam on Skype, drifting across the infinite rabbit holes of the internet, reading friend's blogs, you know, that kind of thing. But now that I'm back (and not doing school work, or researching anything for school), I find I'm only on my computer for maybe fifteen minutes to check my email. How boring I've become!

Working at the bookstore is fabulous (because I love it) but terrible because I'm exposed to all these books that look so fascinating. Every which way I turn, someone's recommending a new book and I go hunt it down and read it. I've become a book hermit. I've taken to polishing off books like a bear coming out of hibernation. This is not boding well for my plans to save money, as I'm spending it all on books. I need to exercise that library card. However, every experience I've had in a public library has been disastrous and if you can remember back to my wailings about the change in operations for the State Library, then I think you'll understand why I've been avoiding them. The plague would make for a more pleasant experience than either of those.

So I finally got around to posting some pictures. It's been a trial in the asinine, and I don't need stress. Therefore, it's taken me a long time to get these pictures up. Like, at least a month of irritation.

That being said, here's the story behind the shots.The first picture of Rosie is her classic fang-grin with arched ears. She's saying "Won't you play with me today, Leigh Ann? I promise to get very rowdy, jump all over you and nibble/chew on your wrists, elbows, fingers and biceps (or what passes as biceps on me). Doesn't that sound like fun?" I mean, how can you say 'no' to a face like that? You should see her chase a tennis ball. It's like someone strapped rocket boosters to her tail as she shoots off across the yard. If I'm not careful, I'll throw it too far and she'll be going full speed, catch the ball then BAM! She's run into the truck, or Koi fountain, tree or porch. I'll admit, it's pretty funny, but in a bad way. The bad way where you laugh then make sure no one can see you laughing because you know you shouldn't be laughing at that. But you laugh anyway.

NEXT! Are the Kois in the fountain. Every now and then Dad gets out there and cleans the little pool out and refreshes the water. The same night, a magnificently huge owl comes and snatches away the biggest koi. Good thing these little guys reproduce like rabbits or we wouldn't have very many koi in the koi fountain. But at least we're doing our part to make sure the current food crisis doesn't extend to the wildlife of north Florida.

And finally is the swan fountain in the koi pool. I don't have much for it, either. Other than to say, hey! that's the fountain in the koi pool. (say koi pool five times fast.)

So this is my ultra-exciting life. I like to think that I'm just resting up and gearing up for the next big adventure when I have something relevant to blog about. Till then, it's picures of fish, dogs and fountains.

Laughing, laughing, laughing all over the place!

You know when your life is so full you're choking on it? I mean, it should be a very pleasant thing, a full life. In the Christian tradition, we wax on and on about a cup that overflows. But has anyone ever stopped to think about the mess that an overflowing cup makes? And who's going to clean that mess up?!

Don't get me wrong now... ever since I realized that I wasn't living life to the hilt, I've been on a mission to do just that. So, every once in a while, when I actually man up and do live life to the fullest, my cup overflows and spills joy everywhere and who's left cleaning that up? Me, of course.

Gosh, can't you see that I'm busy living life and I can't be bothered cleaning up this joy and happiness splashing around everywhere? I simply can't be taken away from this full life, there's not a moment to spare.

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I went on this random tangent tonight because lately, I've been a very busy bee. And it's been great; I've been to weddings, birthday parties, lunches with friends, retreats at the beach, shopping for friends, this 'n that, you know, this 'n that.

Enjoying it all, of course. But in the times in between these fabulous events, I find myself getting snappy and short tempered and annoyed... wayyyy too easily. For example, I went by (a store that will remain nameless) to get a card. Finding their selection not to my taste, I blurted out "these cards are lame." And right as I said it, I went "gasp! Leigh Ann! You sound like one of those distasteful girls who is nothing but a pain in the arse! Take it back! take it back right now! Someone needs to check their attitude at the door." Let me clarify that the card selection was indeed lame. But I didn't have to voice my concerns. Especially since I was alone and anyone nearby would probably think I would want them to agree with me and that just puts them in an awkward spot.... so it was just dumb of me to be so critical aloud. Besides, if I wasn't in a bit of a time crunch, I wouldn't have cared so much and most likely kept my thoughts to myself.

And that whole situation made me think. Despite the fact that so many wonderful things are going on around me and with me, it's stressing me out! Ha! The busier I get, doing awesome things with awesome people, the easier it is for me to fly off the handle at the most trifle of events. Isn't that so strange... it seems like there is a yin-yang side to everything. There isn't extreme happiness without extreme emptiness. If you look for it, you'll see the dark side to all the joy in life. If you look for it, you'll see all the beauty attached to the ugly in this world. Its all there, we just don't bother ourselves to really look for it. I'm especially bad at only taking things for surface appearances.

Anyway, that's enough about that.
I just got back from a super wonderful birthday dinner with fantastic friends, and we laughed the whole time, told stories, ate delish grub, and laughed a whole lot more. Tomorrow, I'm getting up at the BUTT crack of dawn to go to the beach! For an orientation to the Haiti trip. (SO STOKED!) Then, Sunday I hope to spend with my bestest friend and then go to church in the PM. And maybe read some. Or knit. Or play with Rosie. Or do the crossword. Or sudoku! Or pick flowers. Then make a daisy chain and dance in a circle and hug a tree. Sometimes I have a limit to how much cuteness I can handle in a day and since I was around the most precious babies this evening, my quota has been over-drawn and now I'm a weeeee bit sarcastic.

That being said, I am now done and will go get that daisy chain started.

Who knew Pooh Bear had it in him?

I found another fun book to read. I tell you what, there is something to be said for only working part time at a chill job. I find that I've got heaps of time for reading all sorts of fun books. And my mom got me this cool book journal thingy to record the books I read, quotes, recommended reads, etc... and it's way more fun than it sounds.

OKay. So. The Tao of Pooh. I'd heard my friends talk about this book, and was curious but never really interested/motivated enough to go seek it out. Well, one fell in my lap the other day and I flipped through it.

Intrigued, I purchased said book and took it home with me. I began reading it that night and I'm still reading it. It's not very thick - size wise or intelligence level. Which is what makes it so great!

First off, the cover art is to die for cute, and the illustration on the back brought me in, hook, line and sinker. "Pooh just is" Ha! I'd never realized... he really is, just is.

I'm only a fourth of the way in, but already I've copied down, like half the book in quotes. It's so clear and direct. And when you're explaining ancient Chinese philosophy, that's exactly what you need to be.

So far, my favorite illustration used in the book was to distinguish Taoism from Confucianism and Buddhism. It describes a scroll with three men sitting around a pot of vinegar. Each one has dipped their finger in to taste it and each one has a different expression on their face as a reaction to the vinegar. One man had a sour face, another was bitter and the third was smiling. The vat of vinegar was meant to represent the "Essence of Life" (nice phrasing, eh?) and each man's face mirrors their philosophy's belief about the human experience.

I won't give much else away, and hopefully this will make you hungry for knowledge! So much so that you will go out and read this book. Or another. Or look up the story on the internet. Either way, you're learning something, right? Then my work here is done.

p.s. I am currently entertaining recommendations of reading material. If you have favorite books, or just really great literature, holla!



Buddha in Glory

Center of all centers, core of cores,
almond self-enclosed, and growing sweet--
all this universe, to the furthest stars
all beyond them, is your flesh, your fruit.

Now you feel how nothing clings to you;
your vast shell reaches into endless space,
and there the rich, thick fluids rise and flow.
Illuminated in your infinite peace,

a billion stars go spinning through the night,
blazing high above your head.
But in you is the presence that
will be, when all the stars are dead.

Rainer Maria Rilke

'On friends' - or - 'Chummy-Chum-Chums'

Today was hectic, yet decidedly delicious all at the same time. I got to hang out with some friends from out of town, I got to talk on the phone with some friends from out of town, and I got some messages from friends from out of town. If you're noticing a theme here, you're one sharp cracker jack. I have friends! J/k, j/k, j/k.... the theme is that all my peeps are out-of-towners. Le sigh. This can be cause for a seriously dull social life, seeing as how nearly all one's friends live in other towns, other states and other countries.

Yet, I'd like to think that I have friends in town too. They just belong to a different generation genre. Mostly because they're all my parent's friends. But now since I'm (finally) considered an adult - I get to be their friend too and I don't have to sit at the children's table anymore. Whoa, what a status booster. I mean, I only got promoted last year, but it was bound to happen.

You know, it's kinda fun to diversify your friend portfolio - I'm just saying, you get exposed to a whole bunch of different stuff when you hang out with different people. Just the other night, I had an exceptional dinning experience right here in Tallahassee that blew my mind. I dissected and ate an entire artichoke. From the leaves to the witches hat, avoiding the "choke" and finally to the heart of the matter. I have never done that before and have never even heard of eating artichokes like that, either. It was awesome! I can't wait to share that with other friends!

I've never been one to have many friends. I've always preferred having a few close friends, rather than many friends. It seems the more you've got, the closer they are to being more like acquaintances rather than friends. But because my close friends live far and away these days... the circle is expanding and I'm finding that I can have many friends, and acquaintances are just friends who haven't been to dinner yet. Know what I mean? I feel like we could have a whole 'nother post defining 'friend'. Exploring all the nuances and how a friend means different things to different people.

I am one of those people who strongly believe that you can get a good grasp of the character of a person based on their friends. So I try to pull the wool over everyone's eyes by hanging out with ultra-fabulous people, thus being guilty by association. Fortunately (or unfortunately), nobody is fooled by this ruse and I end up being tolerated in the presence of greatness. But I am learning some neat tricks, and perhaps one day - in the distant future - I'll go from being tolerated to humored, then on to being of favorable opinion. Fingers crossed!

In the meantime, good things are coming down the pipes, and I need to go hit the sack to be properly rested for the up coming festivities!

Makin' sense

I happen to believe everything happens for a reason. And if that's the case, "Lucy, you got some 'splanin' to do." Know what I mean? If there is a reason for everything, then I want to know it! I was that annoying little child who, when told to do something wanted to know why. This drives adults crazy. But I was simply curious. I mean, if given a reason (even a flimsy one) does a child ever say "no. that's a dumb reason. i won't do it."? See, the way I see it, I was trying to organize how the world works. If my dad asks me to tie my shoe and it's not bothering me, so I ask him why and he says "because I said so", that just don't make no sense... But if he says, because you'll be most likely to trip on the laces if they're not tied and I don't want you to fall and get hurt." Then I'd be like, "ohhhhh. okay. hey daddy, I don't know how to tie my shoe. help me!"

You see, in my mind everything is perfect and makes sense when you do it my way! But I also understand that sometimes we tell children to do something or behave a certain way purely out of personal advantage. For example, the other day we were watching a four year old and then some friends came over. He quickly discovered he wasn't the center of attention anymore and proceeded to make himself the center of attention with a loud toy ball. I asked him to hand the ball to me, but instead he rolled it to me (making even more noise). Interestingly enough, he didn't ask why I took it from him (I think he's smart enough to realize why). But if he had, would I have said, because you're distracting us from our adult conversations? Isn't that considered rude to admit? aloud? But it's true. I doubt I would have fessed up if he'd asked me. At least in front of everyone. I probably would have told him if we were in another room.

But that draws me to another point. One about how drastically different we behave with kids when other adults are around. I don't like it and I think it cheats everyone in the room. But whatever. Another bone to pick for another day. Mine is just starting and I have some things I want to accomplish, so off I go to conquer the world.

Just another day at the funny farm

Oh.my.everlovin'.deity.

So, I was workin' hard for the minimum wage in the bookstore today and I come around the corner to whoaaaaaaa...... Blocking the entire hallway and my passage back to the rest of the bookstore, register, and cart full of books to shelve is this woman. Oversized. On a motorized wheelchair type scooter contraption. Complete with a basket in the front. She then proceeds to completely monopolize my time by regaling me with the details of some registry of books or bookstores online and some blog she has on the Democrat's website and how great it would be to put this bookstore on it with pictures and she's sure it would be the best thing for us since the invention of the frikkin' printing press.

But of course I just stand there, smiling sweetly, agreeing with everything she says and playing dumb to everything else. Looking, hoping, wishing, fervently seeking an escape route. Can I squeeze around her? Hmmmm, fat chance. Can I remind her I actually have a job to do and it doesn't involve listening to her? Hmmmm, unlikely. Would God please send an angel to get me out of this?!? I'm almost positive someone's waiting at the counter, but hell! I can't see around her to get to the end of the hall to see if someone's there! Ack!

Finally a lady leans back and spies me in the hall and gives me the nod. The nod that means she's read to check out and where the hoodlum have I been hiding? Thankfully, I have a valid excuse now to say "um, I need to go." Thinking this woman will have the courtesy to back up and let me pass... I kinda stand there. She doesn't move. So I start for her.... She says "oh, can you get by me?" Gladly, I think. And like jello through a straw I squeeeeeze through there, knocking a few things off the shelf.

Then, then, THEN! She's in the children's room and shouts out to me "do you count the puzzle pieces?" I'm thinking that two customers are in there and someone's shouting to their hard of hearing friend. It is 'senior day' after all and a few senior citizens of the Belltone persuasion have already passed through the store. So I ignore it. A customer comes up to the counter, ready to check out and she's still shouting out... Now, let me take a moment to say that I do wear a NAME tag which she had about fifteen mintues to examine when she had me trapped in the hallway. OR she could have said "excuse me, miss?" Or "hey you, employee, commere" Or, she could have even wheeled herself on over to me! I mean, it's not like she had to WALK anywhere. So, I'm shelving books and ringing up customers and this lady just sits there yelling "do you count the puzzle pieces?" Finally I find a nickel and buy a clue, realize she's shouting at me and go in there to play dumb and say "pardon me?" She then repeats the same question at the same volume, regardless of the fact I'm standing right there... and I say "no. we sell them as is." Thus, while she's got me in her grasp, she begins to regale me with ANOTHER story about some children's book she's looking for (goodluck, lady), how much she loves children's books and then her favorite book is some creepy Hieronymus Bosch artwork done to poetry... If you know Bosch, you know that he's an artist from the 1500's who did some crazy-sick art. It was revolutionary for the time, but that shizz is scary! It doesn't belong in a CHILDREN's book! Exposure to that stuff will make one messed-up kid. Maybe that's what happened to her. Hmmmmm, it's all coming together now....

I finished a book last night

And it was really good! This should come as no surprise since I think of books like I think of ice cream: a daily necessity.....

You're not going to believe this... I just went to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary to look up a synonym for "crave" and I kid you not, their description reads "to have an earnest wish to own or enjoy <craves ice cream at all hours of the day>" Looks like I'm not the only one with such sentiments towards the frozen delicacy.

....a daily necessity that must be engaged in for the joy it brings me is worth the time spent/calories. I started this post with the desire to talk about this book I just finished, but now all I want to talk about is my favorite kind of ice cream. Because contrary to popular belief, all ice creams are NOT created equal. I don't know what they've got over there in New Zealand masquerading around as ice cream, but it's not. Definitely heavy on the cream part and LOW on the ice factor. I like Breyer's ice cream the best because it's so icy... Then I pour milk over it and it gets this extra layer of icy-milky crust, and the inside is so soft and sweet. Gosh. It's divine.

But anyway, back to THE BOOK! Let's see. I'll start with the title and author. It's "eat, pray, love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. She went on a year's worth of travel to Italy, India and Indonesia (Bali specifically) on a quest for God. Or her experience of God. Balance. Pleasure. Piety. New-agey style. And it was a good read. She's got a good style. I mean, I should hope so because the publisher paid her in advance for the book before she even went on the journey she would write about. Pretty interesting huh?

This book came to my attention because an old family friend told me she read a book that reminded her of me. She hoped I would read it and then tell her what I thought of it. So I did. And now I need to call her and be like yes! I can so write a book about my travels too! I've had some interesting experiences. But then I stop a minute and think... who would want to read about dorky little Leigh Ann running around getting up to no good? And then I have to think... who wouldn't want an opportunity to read someone else's diary? That's what makes some blogs so interesting... is that you get rare glimpses into people's personal thoughts. We might be good friends but 9 times out of 10, I'm not going to verbalize in conversation what I write here. And for good reason. It's asinine. And I'm a terrible conversationalist. But also because when I sit down and start to type, it's my thoughts that come out. These thoughts that would otherwise be kept away, apart and unknown. The opportunity to know them is what draws people in. Works on me like a charm. Diaries are like privileged information.... which is like a secret... which everyone wants to know.

So, back to the book. This chick is wack. For real, she has issues. And it was so fun to hear her discover them by her interactions with other people. Some of them she knew (like how needy she is for attention, how chatty she is, outgoing, etc.) but others were a surprise (she's controlling). But don't let me paint a negative picture here, she's a good person with loads of positive qualities. Yet she made NO attempts to hide her flaws. They were almost the star of the book and the reason for the book at the same time.

So she went through a nasty divorce, got medically depressed, had a lascivious romance that did more damage than good and decided it was time for a change of scenery. This year she spent abroad was a quest for closeness with God, with a healthy, happy self and learning to find balance in a world (mostly our culture) gone amok. But what I got from the book is that the food in Italy is TO DIE FOR, the Italian language is apparently more beautiful to the ears than French (alert the media), spending four months in India but staying in an Ashram the whole time is the best way to stay disease-free and Bali is a place to go to escape. Oh, and we all need to find an older Brazilian man. Apparently they're so great, you'll get one of those infections. Nudge-nudge, wink-wink.

Now that's not to say that there isn't more in the book, oh there is so much more. But I'm not writing a book report, my friend! But I will list a few things I learned from this woman who wrote so openly about her suffering, search and joy:

• when visiting other countries, ask the locals where to eat. Once here, tell the sweet old lady in the back you'll have the house special. (hopefully it will be as orgasmically good as her experiences)
• make as few plans as possible before traveling and go on long walks to make all sorts of wonderful discoveries
• and um... I guess that's it. That is all that I can think of at the moment. There are other things that I would add about my own experiences-ish. Mostly things I would do differently if given the chance. And I do hope there are lots of more chances. :-)