Highway robbery!

Now I know how fish feel. You know, after they've been caught.... That sad moment when the fillet knife enters their belly and swish! They've been gutted and their intestines come spilling out all over the dirty table. Mingling with all the previous poor basterds' (intentional spelling) innards. Yep, that's me. I've been gutted.

Gutted of all the fun it is to plan a wedding! Why the bee-joo-zees do people feel the need to rent out a big room for thousands of dollars? Hell, let me go build a big room and charge people a thousand dollars to go stand in it. Geeeeeeez. I mean, don't even get me started on the cost of everything else. I haven't even gotten past the cost of a reception hall. I'm near hyperventilating over the whole ordeal.

Let me just clarify for everyone now. It's just ONE day! ONE DAY, PEOPLE! Honestly, not even the whole day. Just the last half of it. The last quarter of it. For petey's sake. The appeal of a Vegas wedding has now been clarified to me. The appeal of a justice of the peace union has now been clarified to me. It is all understood.

I'd rather buy a house or a car or a college education with all the thousands it is to put on a wedding these days. But unfortunately for me, I've been reared in wedding culture and a wedding is what I'll have. A big one. A pretty one. A happy one. And everyone will be there to share it with me. Till then, I'll probably drop a million pounds from hyperventilating all the time and not being able to eat anything in the mean time. And I'll probably get one of those wrinkle lines right between my eyebrows from scowling at the price of things. Evil wedding gluttons, gutting me (well, more accurately, my parents) of money. Lots and lots of money.

I could have a flippant attitude about it all. I could be like "oh, it's just money." But why do money and stress like each other so much that they go everywhere together and plague me so? It just ain't right. I just want to show up and smile and say I do and have people fawn all over me. That's it. Just that. Why does that need to cost an average of $20,000 dollars these days?

IT'S ONE DAY! JUST ONE DAY, PEOPLE! have mercy.