At my place of work.... I sort through books and paper items that have been donated. And let me tell you, it is an education all in and of itself. Firstly, because you're exposed to ALL sorts of books. I usually get a few chortles and a snort or two during the day by odd titles, odd subjects, odd illustrations and an "oh no they didn't!"
But my favorite donations have to be the journals and diaries.... 'oh no!' you think! And 'oh yes' I say.... But these aren't like entire notebooks of someone's deepest-darkest thoughts, it's more like the first few pages are wasted on "does he like me?" "I think I'm getting fat" and "life is so good, I should be so grateful (but obviously they're not or they wouldn't be writing in a journal - which is essentially a place to whine and complain without anyone judging you for it)". And then the rest of the journal is empty - blank - abandoned. Most often, I can rip out the offending pages and it's as good as new. But last week.... I stumbled upon a gem. A true treasure.
This thing was juicier than the streets of New Orleans after Mardi Gras... it was down right delectable. I mean, people make mad money off of novels written with the information tucked between this journal's pages... people go to the Oscars over movies with content like what I found in this journal. It was classic. It wasn't racy or torrid or what-have-you.... it was just gasp moment after gasp moment. My life has never moved that fast, but then again, I'm not a 32 year old recent divorcee.
Here's a quick recap of what I read and gasped over to the best of my recollection: (and a time frame, VERY important) (oh, and I changed all but ONE of their names. Enjoy guessing which one remained the same.)
Let me also preface this with a personal disclaimer: I don't go rooting around donations for journals. I check them for entries because I can't put it out in the store all written in! It just so happens that I have the unusual pleasure of scanning through them a few seconds before I rip out the pages - if that's a possibility, other wise the whole thing gets chunked. But on this one occasion, I had the opportunity to scan it, become intrigued, flip back to the beginning and read it all the way through. And it wasn't much, probably ten pages - but engrossing nonetheless.
The journal was actually a gift. From a group of friends/small group type atmosphere. And they all wrote something in it. All inspiring and 'we love you's. So we start off knowing that Janelle is not a total social outcast and has people in her life that care about her enough to buy her a journal and inscribe it with hope and happy thoughts.
So it starts the usual way - I'm so blessed, I have great friends, great job, great relationship, rah-rah me. Then, the next entry, she's all "I'm a failure, I'm getting a divorce, I couldn't make my marriage work, I don't know what I was thinking, work is going down the crapper, and on another note, I went to St. George Island with some friends and desperately love Chad but couldn't tell him!" Wah-wah-wah..... The next few entries were about how she feels about her ex-husband and how she's so glad to be rid of him and how she only held on for so long because she wanted it to look like she was trying. (to make it work). When she described Jeff, it was like whoa, why on earth did you date him, much less marry him?!? She rattled on about how she was embarrassed of him in public. How he offended people, how he wasn't as smart as her (or perhaps at all), he mistreated her, devalued her, towards the end, she would always initiate sex, etc, etc, etc.
So I'm sitting there thinking, what was the attraction in the first place?! People don't all of a sudden become stupid, or offensive. They either are or they aren't and when you spend time with someone, you have the opportunity to see them as they are. So if Janelle went into this marriage knowing all that, then what could have possessed her to continue down that path to holy matrimony? Talk about crazy town - people do the most inexplicable things sometimes.
Anyway, moving on with the journal. So, let's say that on May 3rd, she confesses to herself that she is in love with Chad. She has gotten a divorce from Jeff and is trying to get Chad to notice her. On May 5th, she's hanging with Chad and convinced he's digging on her. He's being all sweet, kind, loving and all that, but he doesn't say anything to the nature of how he feels. May 11th, Janelle is hearing from mutual friends how they think she's good for him and that he likes her and that signals to Janelle that it's time to move in for the kill. May 27th finds the duo at her place, hanging out, and eventually finding themselves naked and she confesses to Chad that she loves him. She's met with nothing.... She's crushed.
But they still hang out, and Chad is still nice to her and his actions say that he's into her. But she wants to hear those three little words that mean the world to most women (or perhaps women everywhere, who's to know?). He won't spill. Two months later, in July, he breaks down and tells her he loves her and she is THRILLED. Her next entry is all about marriage plans. Her own little timeline. She expects him to propose in maybe six or so months, then be married about a year later. But she hasn't talked to Chad about these plans or ideas... However, she soon does because her next entry is all about how excited she is that Chad had been thinking about marriage too! Only his timeline is MUCH, MUCH more condensed than Janelle's. They get engaged in August and married about six months later. During this engagement interlude, Janelle talks about going dress shopping for the second go-around the alter and she finds the perfect dress at a gaudy shop that she didn't want to go into at first. The woman who was working had on bright green eye shadow and was just tacky-tacky-tacky. But Janelle was shocked to find the best dresses she'd seen all day in that shop and she eventually settles on one and buys it.
There is a big gap in her journal entries (time wise) and the next entry is in May... they've only been married a short while and ta-da!! Janelle is PREGNANT! She mentions that people are a bit concerned with how fast it's all been... but she doesn't seem affected by their concerns.
And there is where the entries stop. The other 98% of the journal is empty, save for a folded piece of paper that Janelle had written to Jeff about all the reasons why she hates him. That was also amazing to behold. Janelle had donated a lot of books, and one of them was a small book of "mother's quotes". You know, those little books they sell at Hallmark that you think are just so perfect for so-and-so, but really nobody wants. Yeah, someone gave Janelle one in honor of her son - Jack's - first birthday. So Janelle and Chad had a wee little son named Jack.
In other stalker-ish news, I know their last name and address because she left an address sticker in one of her books.... this happens often, but not usually when a diary is donated at the same time. However, I don't know where the book is and it's not like I wrote it down, so don't freak out on me or anything....
I was just amazed at how much I learned about a complete stranger in such a short amount of time. And I must say, I am impressed with the books she donated, they are a varied and interesting bunch.
There was this one book about how a man got jilted three days before his wedding, so he decided to have the wedding anyway, only without her, and go on the honeymoon to Costa Rica with his brother (after promising each other there would be no carrying anyone over the threshold of anything). They had such a great time, they decided to extend their honeymoon for two years and fifty-three countries in Asia, South America, the Pacific rim and Africa. They sell their houses and commence to have the sort of life my fantasies are made of. I'm like practically drooling over this book and I flip it to the back and there's this miniature picture of the author and his brother and they are HOT! I almost threw a hissy-fit. That just ain't right. Two attractive, straight men do not need to be traveling around the world having fantastic adventures by themselves. They need to take me with them. That's the name of that tune.
There was this other book that the author autographed and dedicated to Chad, saying - "Researching this book nearly made me loose faith in the human race" Name of the book? "ER medical emergencies" What was inside? X-rays of the most improbable and painful examples of stupidity you have ever known. My favorite was this x-ray of the pelvic area with a clear outline of a wine bottle right in the middle of it. The story behind how it got there was incredible because at first the guy lied and then he was in so much pain, he spilled all the beans. Suffice it to say that there are acceptable uses for wine bottles and shoving them up your rectum is not one of them. (He thought he would just be able to poop it out. When that didn't happen, he had to go to the hospital) What was on the next page? An x-ray of a pvc pipe in the same location. Different patient, I think...
So I guess you could say I've been learning a few things by hanging out with books all the time. It's interesting, these books and the people that come in to buy them. A co-worker rang up this one guy who bought a gay sex book (I didn't even know we had one) and apparently the guy buying it tried to hit on my co-worker (who also happens to be a guy). I thought that was pretty awkward. Then I started wondering who would buy the other sex books we had in the relationship section (wedged between books on mothers and daughters and how grandparents spoil grandchildren). I soon found out and had my own awkward cashier experiences. Thankfully no on tried to hit on me. I think I would have been devastated. But I thought it was pretty ironic when one guy bought a sex book and a book labeled "how to initiate conversations and make friends". Maybe it was a little premature for him to be purchasing the sex book. He should have studied the conversation book a bit first and see how that went. Just a thought.
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